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Writer, Messenger, and Professional Weirdo
I have completed the gauntlet that is the end of July and the beginning of August! A winner is me! My voice is cracking, and I’ve spent the majority of that time battling a migraine, but I managed to not call in and will have about 38 hours of overtime pay coming to me on Thursday. Now I have two glorious days off before heading back to my regular four days on. Once I get through those I have vacation! Twelve days, most of which will be spent in Stratford, Canada, watching the Stratford Shakespeare Company do their thing. And then it’s back to my normal four on, four off with however much overtime I want to pick up in between.
I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to it.
But today is my Friday! Which means I get to come home and transcribe the new Chapter One. I’m actually mostly happy with the way it turned out. It needs some tweaking, of course, but that I can do on the rebound. I also threw together a possible prologue, but I’m not sure if I’m going to use it as a prologue or a flashback, since it would work both ways. I am stupidly happy with how it turned out, so I may toss it out here to see how people react. We’ll see if I’m still happy about it when I get it transcribed into a computer.
The problem with working as much as I have is handwriting things. When I’m up, the words don’t wait for me to get home to a keyboard I can actually use for the Project. As a result, my wrist is a bit sore. Oddly enough, my throat isn’t sore, I’m just losing my voice. That should make the raid tomorrow night interesting (I can raid!).
But first things first: Sleep. I haven’t gotten as much of that as I’ve wanted to the past couple weeks. And tonight? Real, honest to goodness, cooked food. Nom.
Oh, and guess what I found on sale at Walgreens last night?
Considering it’s a cheep knockoff brand, I don’t expect it to last long, but hey – it works for now so I’ll take it. This is my cheap “Congrats on nearly working yourself to death” present to myself. My more expensive “Congrats on nearly working yourself to death” present will happen when PayPal gets off its duff and finishes recognizing that money exists.
There is no other phrase that I hear while working that makes me cringe quite as much. There are times it’s fine, but most of the “heads up!” calls amount to the caller waking someone up at three o’clock in the morning for no good reason. This is especially true if the deceased is at a facility with access to a morgue.
Most of the time when I get “heads up!” calls, it’s because the nurses will call before they even arrive at the home of the deceased. They want to save themselves some time because they don’t want to wait around for the removal people to show up. They’re trying to time it so that the removal people show up about fifteen minutes after the nurse does. To the best of my knowledge this is rarely, if ever, successful and is only really appropriate in the following situation:
That’s it, really. In that case, by all means, get the director up and moving. If, however, the director is local, or they’re using a local funeral home or removal service, then chances are you’re waking them up to say: “Hey I’m going to be calling you later about this one body that hasn’t even been pronounced yet.”
They can’t do anything in that case and, chances are, they’re just going to go back to bed, grumbling under their breath and calling you names. Many places I answer for have instructions in place that say if the body isn’t ready (and if it hasn’t been pronounced, it isn’t ready) that we don’t even bother calling it out until it is. The only exception to that rule is if the family wants to talk to a director, but if you’re not at the home, how do you know if they do or not?
A lot of the time I’ll hedge when I get these calls and say something like, “Well, I can take the information now and get it to the director, or we can hold off until you get to the home and everyone is ready…”
Every time. Without fail. The nurse will (obviously not thinking this through) have me wake up the director who will then growl, “Okay,” and go back to bed. I’m getting the impression that the nurse thinks the director doesn’t go back to bed, but I can assure you, when we get the second, “Okay ready now!” call, I’m waking them up again. I know this because just waking up people have a distinct, groggy tone in their voice and a tendency to go “Mrfff,” “Grphf,” and “Fffstphk.”
Any hospice nurse worth their weight in student loans should know that a body cannot be moved from the place of death until it has been pronounced. In fact, five seconds with Google will tell you the same thing. Guess what can’t be done if you’re not there to do it? Right.
I also notice that a lot of nurses who do this (call before even getting to the home) will just sort of assume that the body will be ready shortly after being pronounced. Never mind any family members that are coming from a ways away that want to view the body before the funeral home arrives. Never mind any religious or cultural concerns. Never mind a husband or wife who just wants to spend a few more hours with their dearly departed for whatever reason. Never mind actually bothering to ask the family any of that. Just come and get the stiff!
This often ends in several calls back and forth saying the body is ready, then it’s not, then it is, then it’s not. Trying to jump ahead in the queue often leads to things getting messed up and wires getting crossed. It’s unprofessional. It makes the director look unprofessional and it puts a couple extra bucks in our bank account because we charge for every call we take and every one we have to make.
…On second thought, go ahead and make all those calls. Momma needs a new Playstation.
1:04am: “I’m just calling to give you a heads up. The family isn’t here so the body isn’t ready yet. We’ll give you a call when they leave.”
1:08am: The director is called and the call is cleared.
1:31am: “Okay! The body is ready for pickup.”
1:33am: The director is called and the call is cleared.
1:40am: “Hi, I’m with the donor network/eye bank. We will be approaching the family regarding donation. Please hold off on removal.”
1:42am: The director is called and the call is cleared.
2:00am: “Hi, I called almost an hour ago regarding Mr. Doe. Do you have an eta? I’m sorry? Oh. Yes. Well we’re ready now.”
2:02am: The director is called and the call is cleared.
2:05am: “Hello, I’m with the donor network/eye bank. Just letting you know that the family has declined donation and the body is ready for removal now.”
2:06am: The director is called and the call is cleared.
2:45am: “Um hi, yes, um. I called regarding a Mr. John Doe about two hours ago. So it turns out the family gave us the wrong number and will be using a different funeral home. You can disregard the call. Sorry about that.”
2:46am: The director is called and has a nervous breakdown.
June was not a good month for me. July is shaping up to be not much better. On the upside: I found an editor that will professionally tear apart The World Outside and that includes copy-editing! And I won’t have to take out a massive loan to make it happen! I am so excited! More emotional black eyes! YAY! Additional upside: My mom made scotcharoos for the fourth and I, like, snagged a bunch before I left so NOOOOMYAY!
I’ve been working a lot, and there’s a lot of new things for me to do at work now so that’s sapped any and all energy I’ve had. So while I have been reading a lot (dear Hitchhikers Guide: you have been defeated! Love, me), no creative juices have been flowing, really. At least, not many. Bear with me here kids. Hopefully the upswing is coming. It usually does.
So anyway, because I’m keen to prove that I have been really busy the following is a paraphrased conversation I had earlier this morning with a guildmate:
Her: Yeah, I’m gonna log off and go play this other game now, k?
Me: No worries! How is that anyway?
Her: I love the events! And since it’s free–
Me: Wait. It’s free now? As in, the whole game is free?
And then a co-worker had to go and post a screenshot of a raid or instance or whatever that was happening in a game I used to play where, to quote a mutual friend: “Warcraft and Cthulhu had a baby.”
So I’ve been really busy with work and stuff. Really.
Sorry about flaking on Friday. Last week was something of a busy and not very good week for me. Erk.
Anyway, I come to you this morning looking for some help! I read my escapist stuff sort of fast, so having finished Y: The Last Man I’m on the hunt for something new.
As for Y: The Last Man, I enjoyed it, actually. I only had two issues with it:
Evolution doesn’t work that way and shock! deaths always tick me off because there was absolutely no reason for the deaths that happened other than the author wanted to tug at the proverbial heart strings. It’s 99% of the reason I don’t really watch anything Joss Whedon puts out these days unless it’s been vetted to be Not Typical Joss, because it’s sort of pointless to get invested in his stories and characters because they’ll all just randomly die whenever Joss gets bored.
Why yes, I did find end of the Harry Potter series to be as satisfying as a cake made out of dirt, why do you ask?
Anyway, seriously, I could’ve taken any other explanation for the “plague” – anything! I’ll buy aliens, fairies, magic artifacts, A Wizard Did It – any bloody thing but pseudo-magic-science that they used. When you try to have a real world explanation for something that is obviously absurd, try to make sure it’s something that can actually happen or at least reasonably believable.
I’ve got the rest of Fables to catch up on, and a couple “new” series – Unwritten and Locke & Key – in the to-read pole. They’re all comics and I’m sort of comic-ed out at the moment. I’m slowly, painfully slogging my way through The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy and while it’s fun, I don’t remember it being this much of a chore the first time through. I’m eying Neil Gaiman’s new book but while I acknowledge that Gaiman is brilliant and ten times the writer I will ever be, the books themselves are hit or miss for me. I’m not quite up to paying almost thirteen bucks for a book that I might end up loving as much as American Gods, but could just as easily end up bored with it ala Stardust (confession: one of the few times in my life where I’ve enjoyed the movie more than the book eek).
So what I basically want, at this point, is fun, escapist easy read stuff that I can get through in a night (so anywhere from 200-300 pages) and after looking at this and this (or hey, even closer to my own genre: this) I’m totally open to suggestions because what the heck.
I’m sure some of those books are actually very good but does there exist a book in the urban fantasy/modern-ish supernatural genre that does not have on its cover a sultry white woman (matching white dude and his washboard abs optional)? Because they’re all appearing the same to me and that makes me sad because variety, spice of life, etc.
Here’s (essentially) what I’m lookin’ for:
The floor is now open to suggestions!
So there are few things more exciting than being able to sit down and think thoughts and then put a loudspeaker up to your mouth and shout them. There’s also nothing quite so terrifying because I am a firm believer in the rule that says “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw badgers” …or was it ducks? Anyway. Bear with me here, because I’m a little bit scared!
The Pull is an epic Urban Fantasy tale nearly two decades in the making. Part fantasy drama, part heroic action tale and part journey of self discovery, The Pull is an unrelenting roller-coaster of a novel that hooks the reader with mystery from page 1 and never lets go.
Nick wants to believe he is an ordinary nineteen year old boy. He wants to believe he’s nothing special; but the sword in his hand, the metal monster at his back and the Pull in his heart towards a mysterious and frightful destiny tell him otherwise.
There are things to love and things that I thought could’ve gone better. Obviously I liked the book or I wouldn’t be here, sitting at my computer after work, getting blinded by my screen because I keep forgetting to turn the brightness down.
Er, one sec.
…Okay, we’re good.
I want to get this out of the way before I dive into the meat of the story itself. This link is an article from Cracked.com writer David Wong (speaking of books people should read…). I’m linking the second page specifically because the point I really want to get to is in #1.
Specifically this part:
Right now I’m reading a book from mega-selling fantasy author George R. R. Martin. The following is a passage where he is writing from the point of view of a woman — always a tough thing for men to do. The girl is on her way to a key confrontation, and the narrator describes it thusly:
“When she went to the stables, she wore faded sandsilk pants and woven grass sandals. Her small breasts moved freely beneath a painted Dothraki vest …”
That’s written from the woman’s point of view. Yes, when a male writes a female, he assumes that she spends every moment thinking about the size of her breasts and what they are doing. “Janet walked her boobs across the city square. ‘I can see them staring at my boobs,’ she thought, boobily.” He assumes that women are thinking of themselves the same way we think of them.
I am a fan of George R.R. Winter Is Coming Martin. I’ve read the books. I cackled a couple weeks ago when the Red Wedding Happened and the internet exploded. At the end of season one I was rolling on the ground, schadenfreude coursing through my veins like heroin. But Wong has a point: we here in Estrogenville really don’t think like this in real life. I don’t raise a stink over it because this is something that I default into assuming I’m going to run into when a dude writes from a woman’s point of view. Women trying to write from a male point of view (HI!) run into similar things.
But you will not find that in this book.
The women are the most well rounded, beautifully flawed, wonderful characters in the book. The other trap that Rob White avoids is sticking one “strong” (and by strong we mean “sassy but at the end of the day still needs a man to save her” S’up Zombieland?) female character in amidst a sea of testosterone and calling it a
love interest day. We are given three women who couldn’t be more opposite each other if they tried. They are fleshed out and even though a love interest is a thing, apart from one throwaway comment about how sex probably doesn’t even cross Melissa’s radar, ye ole horizontal tango is never mentioned.
Spoilers for the book follow. If you’re okay with that, hit the jump and read on!
See you Wednesday!
Author, ranter, dad
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The official site of author Rob White and The Pull series
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She turns coffee into books so she can afford to buy more coffee. And more books.